I guess failure is a very harsh word, because making a mistake or something not going the way you expect it should not be labeled failure, but these events could still feel like failure.

All the weeks I have been here I have felt like the crème of the crop, everyone made me feel special and expectations of perfection were quickly established (at least in my head). This week was the first time I felt that feeling of failure.

They were not even big things, just things that did not work out. It still stung and made my face turn red from the embarrassment of having a bad idea. I have never considered myself a perfectionist just someone who tries really hard, and in school this has always reflected in great grades and GPA’s. But what does it mean to have a fear of failure at work?

I catch myself rereading simple emails for multiple minutes, creating ten design drafts for one request, and lengthy scrambled sounding Teams messages. In career advice panels I have often heard that you must find a separation between your personal life and your work life. But in non-profits, when your personal passions align with your work, where do you stop and draw a line in the sand?

Cancelling the event I helped with was the right call and it is selfish for me to feel disappointed that it did not work out because it is what was best for the organization. Eventually, I will likely forget about it and worry about something else that did not go the way we planned. I could blame my feelings on my anxiety or on my fear of disappointment and failure, but ultimately, I think it is a fear that comes from being a young professional. I do not think there is any quick fix, I think dealing with things like this has to come from practice and years of trial and error.

To finish off on a higher note, I did learn a new Microsoft program this week called Microsoft Power Automate. If you haven’t learned about this, I highly recommend you do, it’s probably the coolest Microsoft app out here. It helps you automate forms, emails, calendars, and makes you feel like a tech wiz (not a paid advertisement I swear but if someone from Microsoft sees this you should sponsor me).

I feel like I have mentioned this too much but honestly, I never get tired of mentioning how lovely this environment is. Even through my moments of doubting my abilities and feeling this sense of failure, my bosses continue to trust me and challenge me, and I see myself growing as a professional and I love it. This opportunity is just everything and more, every day I come into work I cannot believe how lucky I am to have this experience.

p.s. if you would like to volunteer at our community garden please give me call (614-641-0020) or send me an email jmartinez-cortez@ecdi.org. We serve the Devon Triangle community which is a USDA-identified food desert and we would love to get more volunteers!