Let’s play a game. It is called “The Leader Game” and it comes from the Authentic Relating Games Manual. I did this on Wednesday with the youth that are enrolled in Cultivate’s summer garden program. One person is designated the leader and like all good leaders, they get to take a seat on an elevated chair. The leader in this game gets to take control of the space for “x” (we did two) amount of minutes. During this time, the leader will have the freedom to engage in power dynamics, authority, requests, rules, or create whatever context they want in whatever way they want. The first person to start tried to be a queen who demanded that others fan and feed her. She quickly realized that just because you tell someone what to do doesn’t mean that the person is going to do what you say. I am not about to get up and feed this kid, I thought, so I negotiated instead. “I ain’t doing all that. There are some pretzels here though. Would you like me to give you a pretzel?” I gave her a pretzel. Then I watched the other participant in the program and our fill in facilitator do what she commanded of them. The next girl took a turn but she is shy and introverted. She took a little extra time to figure out what she wanted to do. She was not used to being a “leader” and felt awkward being the one to come up with the scenario or rules. Eventually, she decided that the other girl should cook her dinner. There was a play kitchen and pizza was cooked and served. The other girl even cleaned the dishes for this new leader. She quickly realized I wasn’t going to participate through demands so kept the interaction between her and the other girl. Next, the co-facilitator took her turn. She has kids and is used to making demands of them and went an unexpected route. She acted like a drill sergeant and had us exercising. Actually, I refused to participate. I don’t like people speaking to me this way, even in a play context. Lastly, it was my turn. I told everyone that I was going to take this time to tend to my body and do some stretching. “Everyone is welcome to follow my lead but ultimately, I don’t care what you do.” Everyone followed and I taught them some stretches they have never attempted. After our game ended we discussed what it felt like to play this game. We discussed different types of leaders and the differences between power with and power over. We learned a few things about ourselves. The co-facilitator expressed that being a mom, they sometimes overcompensate for something when they use authoritative rule. It usually leads to building resentment. We also learned that things feel fairer when we make decisions together through negotiation. And some of us turn to auto-pilot sometimes, simply following our leader just because they have been designated leader.

PS, The Milo-Grogan Green Space volunteer night is on Thursdays from 6-8PM. Anyone is welcome to do some weeding, mow the lawn, etc.